5th Grade, St James. Fourth from left in the closest line of boys

My old Catholic grade school, St. James, on Randolph and View in the West Seventh neighborhood of St Paul, is on the ropes: School and church both in mothballs, offered for sale or rent to the next crappy charter school to come down the pike, unless it’s Muslim (Rumor in the neighborhood is that inquiries from a Muslim school were rebuffed).

St James School

St. James was a poor school in a poor neighborhood. Tuition was $30 a year for Parish families. The text books we used in the 1960s were older than my parents, and our library books were so worn that a regular project for us was making new covers for them from brown wrapping paper, illustrating the front covers with our own crayon drawings. I was especially proud of the cover I made for “Johnny Tremain,” which had some dead Redcoats in it. We wore green Catholic school pants and shirts. There were supposed to be ties, but no one bothered. And there were light-weight pants for the warmer months but they got holes in the knees if you looked at them cross-eyed, so we stuck to our winter corduroys, which made nice whisk-whisk sounds as you walked. They were too warm for fall and spring, but they lasted. For some reason, the girls wore jumpers that didn’t match the boys’ green. I think there were wine-colored, but I can’t remember them exactly. It wasn’t good to look at girls.

I’m in the class picture, above, the fourth boy from the left in the first row of boys, directly under the portrait of the Father of Our Country, who used to make surprise visits to our classroom. Wait a minute. No, that was Father Welch, the parish priest, a big-bellied Irishman who liked to stroll through the school as if he owned it, which he did, practically speaking. Although I always say that the nuns made me who I am today (the Sisters of St Joseph of Carondelet). Actually, what I always say is, “If you don’t like my view of things, blame the nuns.” But I had one great teacher who was a man. That’s him in the picture, Jack Boor, who was pressed into filling a teaching vacancy after leaving the Jesuits.

Altar Boy, Cub Scout, Teacher’s Pet, Newspaper Carrier, Geek. Answered to “Pablo” in Spanish.

Mr Boor was my 5th Grade teacher, and he took me and the rest of the boys in his class to our first Minnesota Twins game in May of 1961, the first year the Twins played in Minnesota. If I close my eyes, I can see exactly where we sat, in the bleachers beyond third base, down the left field line, and almost hear how silly we were with excitement.

I’ll add more to this post as time allows. There’s lots to say about St James, West Seventh, St. Paul and growing up in the early 1960s.

The parents cry harder than the kids.

GORBY-GROVELING A BIT NAUSEATING
St. Paul Pioneer Press May 17, 1990

There may be red carpets, balloons and marching bands. But when Mikhail Gorbachev steps off the plane June 3 and sets foot in the Land of Loons, none of the pomp and ceremony will prevent him from seeing Minnesota as it really is:

A land of money-grubbing, opportunistic brown-nosers who would invite Charles Manson to visit if he were in a position to place a purchase order for a supercomputer or two.

Gov. Rudy Perpich, proving that not even the visit of a world leader can inspire a rational thought in a head filled with taconite pellets, has proclaimed Gorby’s visit to be bigger than the Super Bowl. An earthquake also would be bigger than the Super Bowl. But it wouldn’t be nearly as dangerous to the soul of Minnesota as the visit of the Soviet president.

Within minutes of the announcement that Gorbachev will make a 6-hour pit stop here on his way from Washington, D.C., to California, the state’s business leaders were climbing over each other’s backsides trying to get in line for a Gorby handshake and a Soviet handout. Computer companies, medical product manufacturers, high-technology firms – all are wooing Rudy Perpich in the hopes of getting an intro to Gorby. It shapes up as the most naked display of buck-diving since Percy Ross liked to throw handsful of silver dollars to parade watchers just to see the poor folks scramble.

I guess it’s appropriate the invitation to visit Gopherville was delivered to the Russians by none other than Robert Price. Bobby, of course, is the former Control Data exec who cleaned out the company vault when he cleaned out his desk, taking a $5 million goodbye kiss from a struggling company that has laid off thousands.

Price’s role in the Gorby visit makes a mockery of all the speculation about why Gorbachev picked Minnesota. Maybe it wasn’t because of our farm economy, our technological expertise or our food processing industry. Maybe Gorbachev just has an old-fashioned Communist curiosity about a bourgeois backwater that would let corporate cutthroats get away with millions while their employees get thrown on the street.

Click on this poster to see my 2011 reminiscence of the 1990 Gorby Visit

Gorbachev , as Rudy Perpich is smart enough to know, is a popular figure. In fact, polls say Minnesotans are three times more likely to approve of Gorbachev than Rudy Perpich. But that’s a bit misleading; the average Minnesotan is three times more likely to approve of the deer tick than Rudy Perpich.

Still, the orgy of Gorby-groveling that is taking place is nauseating. The press is full of fond wishes that Gorbachev ‘s visit will lead to oceans of publicity for Minnesota, bring trade bonanzas for Minnesota companies and reinflate Rudy Perpich’s sagging image as a leader of vision, foresight and courage. If Gorby can do all that – especially the last item – he’ll deserve to be called a miracle worker.

He should be taken more seriously than that.

Mikhail Gorbachev will not arrive here as a mere purchasing agent, booking orders. He will arrive as the head of the world’s longest-lived authoritarian regime. He is a man who presides over a country that has swallowed up smaller nations and still threatens them with mayhem for desiring independence; a country that oppresses Jews; a country that does not yet know the meaning of democracy, human rights and freedom.

Yes, the Soviet Union has made great strides in reforming itself and, yes, Gorbachev deserves much credit. But at this very moment, Lithuania, Latvia and other pieces of the Soviet empire are in danger. And what do the leaders of Minnesota plan to say to Mikhail Gorbachev about these things?

Nothing.

“I intend to be a good host,” Rudy Perpich said.

In other words, it’s zip our lips and pass the order forms.

I used to think I lived in a state where leaders of vision, foresight and courage would not be afraid to set aside the business agenda for a few moments in order to pursue a higher purpose. But I guess I’m old-fashioned.

Maybe the idea that Minnesota works because it stands for something more than cutting deals is out of sync with the times. Maybe the idea that we are a people who care about justice, fair play and freedom as much as we care about making a sale went out the window when the robber barons started giving themselves $5 million going-away presents.

I guess we have new rules. The leader of the Communists no longer beats a shoe on a table top and threatens to bury us. Now, all he has to do is to fly in offering deals and our political and business leaders rush forward to kiss his feet.

Screw the Lithuanians; how many tractors do you want, Gorby?

I wrote this in 2004, when then- State Sen. Michele Bachmann turned the Capitol into a den of homophobes.

Satan raised a hideous hand in the State Capitol on Friday. But the faithful fought back with prayer.

State Sen. Michele Bachmann ‘s 10-year-old daughter had taken sick and had been rushed to an emergency room. Bachmann , R-Stillwater, is the author of a proposed constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages.

Upon receiving news of her daughter’s illness, she rushed down the staircase outside the Senate, hurrying past dozens of supporters who have been keeping vigil outside the Senate chamber, praying that Bachmann and the Lord might overcome stubborn opposition from DFL senators.

Now, suddenly, with the legislative session coming down to the wire and the DFL still blocking a vote on the amendment, Bachmann had been diverted from the Lord’s work. It wasn’t hard to figure out who stood to gain from Bachmann ‘s forced absence.

“Lord, we feel some attack of Satan is taking Michele away from here,” Muriel Jensen, part of a small prayer circle near the middle of the Senate staircase, was praying, her eyes closed. “Help us stand against this attack of evil and declare it null – in Jesus’ name.”

“Lord, we ask you to put up heavy roadblocks that can hold back the Enemy’s agenda,” added Chelly Evans.

Jensen, 70, of Falcon Heights, and Evans, 58, of Maplewood, went to the Capitol on Friday with two other friends from North Heights Lutheran Church in Roseville. They were among about 100 people supporting Bachmann with prayers and demanding that the DFL-controlled Senate let Bachmann ‘s marriage amendment go to the people for a vote in November.

Over the past two weeks, the Capitol has become a House of Prayer, with an estimated 1,000 fervent Christians standing a shift for the Lord in the center of secular government. And they really stand. They stand hours each day on the Senate stairs, praying, holding signs supporting Bachmann ‘s amendment, cheering her every time she marches up the staircase, even standing in the Senate gallery, hands above their heads, praying that the Lord might soften the hearts of the Democrats.

(For more of Michele Bachmann’s Greatest Hits, click here to see her Spying on Gay People From the Bushes.)

All this praying has raised the Capitol temperature – and tempers.

On Friday morning, a DFL representative, Barbara Goodwin of Columbia Heights, let slip the “G” word during a debate on the outsourcing of jobs, ending a speech with an exclamation: “For God’s sake, vote!”

A religious riot almost ensued.

“I wish they would do that [use the Lord's name] while they are praying,” a Republican, Tony Cornish of Good Thunder, said, objecting to Goodwin’s language and drawing applause from Republicans and looks of disbelief from DFLers. “And not on the House floor, in front of the kids in the balcony! And I wish they would apologize to the Christians in here that don’t believe in taking the Lord’s name in vain!”

It has been that way lately. A Capitol once known for end-of-session frivolities where lawmakers and lobbyists were said to drink like fish and dance in conga lines through the corridors has become a place filled with prayer warriors.

Not that there aren’t some shocking glimpses of old Capitol lasciviousness still apparent to those who look up.

My wandering eyes kept panning upward to a large painting by Henry Oliver Walker right above the Senate stairs where all the praying has been going on. Called “Yesterday, To-Day and To-Morrow,” it shows three female figures in a tableau illustrating the transmission of civilization across the ages. One is an old crone, but the other two figures are very fetching and they are only half-dressed. The painting is not meant as naked propaganda for same-sex marriage, but Attorney General John Ashcroft would cover it up.

Then again, Christians need to confront unpleasant things, said a woman who has prayed at the Capitol a dozen times. Toni Hanson, 33, a mom from Eagan whose husband, Michael, is a Marine Corps gunnery sergeant headed to Iraq, was holding a sign saying, “Marriage is God’s institution.”

Hanson bristles at the claims of gay-marriage proponents that Bachmann ‘s supporters don’t like gays. She has gay neighbors whom she enjoys talking to, she says. But they have been misguided by their mainstream Lutheran church, she says.

“They’ve been told their lifestyle is OK, and to me, that’s way more hateful than praying for them,” she said. “Sometimes, the truth hurts. And their church is keeping them slaves to sin.”

She planned to spend all weekend praying at the Capitol. Her 5-year-old twins, Victoria and Lauren, were with her, as well as daughter Calla, 15. (Another child, Nicolas, 8, died of leukemia in February. “He’s singing in the biggest choir there is right now,” she said).

What if Bachmann ‘s amendment to ban gay marriage doesn’t get out of the Senate and onto the election ballot?

“That’s OK,” Hanson said. “One way or the other, society’s going to fall. That’s what the Bible says. But my life belongs to God, and marriage is a reflection of God. So even if we just postpone the fall, it will give gays a chance to know who their Savior is and a chance to walk through the gates of Christ and be washed clean by His blood.

“So I’m here, standing up for my Lord.”

Michele Bachmann has announced that she will not seek re-election to Congress in 2014, bringing joy to many Minnesotans, especially the GLBT community that has so often felt her scorn. From the vault, I reprint this 4-17-2005 column about one of Bachmann’s most notorious antics: Spying on gays from the bushes in front of the State Capitol in St Paul. You may think it’s just an invented story. But it isn’t; it really happened.

Minnesota’s crusading marriage maven, state Sen. Michele Bachmann , was photographed squatting behind some bushes outside the State Capitol the other day, peering through the shrubbery and spying on a gathering of gays and lesbians who were rallying for the right to be treated with respect.

Either she was spying or she was just taking a stroll when her high heels pinched her feet and she needed to take a load off and plunked herself down only to find – yipes! – 4,000 of her gay opponents on the other side of the furze. That’s Bachmann ‘s story, and it makes for an amusing tale.

But we’ve had about as much fun as one state can handle. It’s time to knock it off before someone gets pied.

I am serious about that. Pies are beginning to fly all over the country, and it is not funny. Someone might get hurt. Right-wing harridan Ann Coulter, who has been targeted before, has been placed on a Flying Banana Cream Watch, and security was tightened this weekend for her speaking engagement at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, and all visitors will be carefully searched.

I am in favor of pie precautions. I might want to argue that When Pies Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Pies. But since I generally favor restrictions on gun toting, I will also support a ban on concealed crust.

DO NOT FLING PIE.

BONUS VIDEO: Minnesota Gay Activist Thom Higgins Pies Anita Bryant, 1977:

Sen. Bachmann already has reported that she felt threatened when she was confronted in a ladies’ restroom by a couple of female citizens who strenuously disagreed with her. As a result, she has asked for security. Again, this kind of thing deserves to be considered seriously. The temperature of public discourse has heated up, and people on all sides of all issues should be careful to show respect and are entitled to the same.

Sen. Bachmann included.

Bachmann is the Republican from Stillwater with a law degree from O.W. Coburn School of Law at Oral Roberts University and accomplishments thinner than vending machine soup.

You won’t find Coburn on the Internet, because evangelist Pat Robertson bought it lock, stock and Bible Store, and moved it to Virginia. It’s called Regent University now and has hired former Attorney General John Ashcroft. Its curriculum promises to “integrate the study of law with biblical principles” and to teach students to “build upon your Christian foundation.”

And how to spy on gay folks.

(For more of Michele Bachmann’s greatest hits, click here to see how she turned the Minnesota Capitol into a House of Gay Bashers.)

Bachmann wants the Republican endorsement for Congress and is using a platform as simple as it is crude: Gay People Are Icky And Must Not Be Allowed To Marry Or Take Mortgages, Especially If They Are Also Democrats.

Or something along those lines. I might not have it perfectly. I don’t get this stuff. The institution of marriage may be in trouble, but not because some gays might want to marry. But because a lot of non-gays don’t.

Minnesota law doesn’t permit same-sex marriage, but Bachmann , when she isn’t playing hedgehog, constantly frets about activist judges turning God’s plan on its ear and opening the floodgates. In order to prevent Stillwater from becoming Sodom on the St. Croix, she has made it her life’s work to get an amendment to the state Constitution on the ballot that would mean only a man and a woman may enjoy connubial bliss with the blessings of the Gopher State.

What a romantic, this Bachmann !

Her efforts have struck many as a tad cynical, however, especially when you consider that there is no statewide election this year and that there will be plenty of time for bigotry next year, which actually is an election year. So when Marrying Michele tried to force the Senate to vote on her gay marriage ban on the same day that several thousand gay people and their friends, families and supporters came to the Capitol to ask that they be treated fairly, some people took it personally. And that made Michele mad.

Senator Sneak-Up says she was offended by a sign in the crowd that said, “Go to hell, Michele.”

True, the sign was rude. But Bachmann has made this personal and shouldn’t be surprised that others take it the same way. All of us, however, should see it as proof that we ought to take a deep breath and try to keep things calm. And the pies on the shelf.

As it turned out, if Sen. Bachmann had wanted to get a good look at a gay person, she only needed to say hello to a member of her caucus, Republican Sen. Paul Koering, who came out as a gay man this week. In a week when the gay marriage issue seemed to dominate Minnesota politics, Koering’s coming out was the best thing that happened, and it was inspired, in part, by his anger over Bachmann ‘s gay-bashing grandstanding (he voted with Democrats against Bachmann ‘s procedural ploy). Political insiders say he may have ruined his reelection prospects. But at the same time, his brave announcement may have rescued us from a lot of foolishness.

As one of his constituents told the newspaper after Koering came out:

“The world would be a better place if we left each other alone.”

Now that she has come out of the bushes, let’s pray that Sen. Bachmann will heed that very humble message.

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